Taking a Chance
by Romantic In Denial
Summary: Kim is miserable without Adam yet is unable to take a chance on him after he failed the "push test." Her mom intervenes as only mothers can and the rest is up to her...and him. This is my first CPD and Burzek fic. I hope it doesn't disappoint.
1. Chapter 1 - Adam

Kim carefully locked the door of her apartment and leaned against it. She felt an empty space inside, a vague ache that wouldn't go away, a sense of loss. Looking around she almost expected, almost wished she heard the words next. "Hey Darlin' – how was your day?" Instead there was silence, a silence that echoed through to her soul.

Her mind kept trying to reconcile these feelings. She was moving on. Sean was sweet and caring and she needed to forget about Adam. Adam...who could ignite her passions with the twitch of an eyebrow, the tilt of his head, a crooked grin. But that was dangerous, so dangerous and with Sean there's no chance of that. Sean did not awaken those feelings in her and that was good, right? She felt safe...safe from those tumultuous emotions that sent her to the moon and back. She didn't want to experience those ever again – only to lose them. The pain of loss was too much.

But was she being fair to Sean? The man wasn't stupid. It wouldn't take him long to figure out that when he kissed her, she wasn't really kissing him back. Not the way she should be if this was the beginning of a relationship. And she couldn't even think about sleeping with him.

Kim sighed and threw herself down on the sofa. She felt so out of control with Adam. Besides he didn't really want to marry her. He failed the push test. That means...what? It has to mean he doesn't really want to commit, doesn't want to marry her, doesn't love her enough. Kim didn't even realize she was crying until she felt the wetness of her tears falling onto her blouse. She buried her face in her hands sobbing quietly. "I wish I didn't miss you so much."

She almost didn't hear the soft knock on her door and when she did, almost debated against answering it. Swiping her tears away roughly, she looked through the security peephole to see her mom. Diana Burgess, a shorter version of Kim, looking young enough to be her sister, standing on her doorstep holding a bottle of Baileys, a box of Godiva chocolates and a bouquet of tulips, her favorite flower. Hastily she opened the door

"Mom!"

"Hi honey."

"What are you doing here?"

"Hmm...can't a mother visit her favorite daughter? Besides Kim, you look like you need a little cheering up and hopefully I can make you feel better with a little booze, some chocolate and me." Her mischevious but sympathetic demeanor put Kim over the edge once again.

"Oh Mom!" She sobbed. "I'm so miserable. I miss Adam and I shouldn't. He doesn't want me and Sean does, but I don't think I want him. I should but I don't. I still want Adam and that makes me such a loser. Who wants the man who doesn't want her?"

Quickly releasing what was in her arms, she pulled Kim close, murmurring softly to comfort her. "Come sit down sweetheart. What makes you think Adam doesn't want you? From everything you've told me about him, that doesn't seem possible."

"He failed the test, mom. Failed! What am I supposed to do except let him go?"

Puzzled Diana smoothed Kim's hair away from her face, a look of concern clearly apparent after listening to her daughter's disjointed reasoning. "Kim, take a deep breath. I'm going to get us a drink and you can start from the beginning because honestly, I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Great!" Kim thought to herself. She reached for a tissue, wiped her eyes and blew her nose. "Now my mom thinks I'm crazy. That's just great."

Before Kim could dwell on her latest perceived short coming, Diana was tucking her feet under her as she sat on the sofa and handed a glass to her daughter. Tapping their glasses together gently, she smiled and gave her toast. "Here's to chocolate. It never disappoints!"

"Oh mom...I'm such a mess." Try as she might, she couldn't stop the tears from flowing.

"Come on honey, take a sip, sit back and take a deep breath. Then talk to me. Nothing is so awful that it can't be fixed. Let me help you."

Kim did as she was told and slowly felt just a little better – just to have her mom there was comforting and gave her hope that her mess was not as hopeless as she thought. She swallowed, feeling the drink warm her insides, allowing the tension to seep out just a bit.

"Mom, he failed the push test." Her eyes were filled with anguish as she repeated that statement and her mother's eyes were still bewildered.

"I don't know what a push test is Kim but it's obviously something you feel is a dealbreaker. Please explain this to me."

"For a long time I felt that Adam was having seconds thoughts about us. He cancelled the dinner to meet you and I couldn't get him to commit to anything to do with the wedding. Then one day I was talking to Sean while we were out on patrol and he told me to ask him to push the wedding. If he agreed to do that, then he wasn't serious about marrying me."

For a few seconds Diane could only stare at her daughter. She was clearly at a loss for words and she knew that what she said next would be important. She hated to see her in pain when it was so unnecessary. She reached over and took Kim's hand, squeezing gently.

"Honey, please don't take this the wrong way but that's the most ridiculous thing I've heard in my life. First of all, this is the same Sean you're dating now?" At her nod she continued... "the same Sean who was arguing with his ex while he let my daughter get shot, the same Sean who seems to target his partners for a relationship no matter what?"

"Mom! Sean was looking out for me and what do you know about his partners?"

"I know you like him Kim and while he may be a good partner, I don't think he was looking out for you. He was looking out for himself. I asked some questions, discreetly mind you and this was his reputation at his old precinct."

"But then why did Adam agree to push the wedding? Why didn't he tell me he wanted to get married as soon as possible? Why didn't he fight for me? He didn't even seem upset that I asked him to postpone things."

"Oh sweetheart, did you even give him a chance to fight for you?"

Kim lowered her eyes, guilt overcoming her certainty and anger. "No, I wouldn't even talk to him."

Diane sighed and reached over to take the glass from her daughter. She grasped both of her hands before beginning to speak. "Kim look at me. Do you know what I see? I see someone who is afraid to take a chance. Granted this is a big one, but honey, there are no guarantees. Things don't always work out but don't throw away happiness on the off chance it _might not_ work out. If you don't try to fix this with Adam you're going to regret it for the rest of your life."

Kim's voice was a mere whisper as tears tracked down her cheeks. "What if he doesn't want me anymore? What if I hurt him so much that he's glad I'm gone?"

Diane could see she wasn't getting anywhere so she changed tactics. "OK, so let's say you're right. Sitting here in a puddle of tears isn't going to do you any good. You can't keep second guessing yourself – you need a break. So...get yourself up, wash your face and put some make-up on. I'm taking you out...no, don't argue, just do as I say. Wear that red sparkly top and your black boots, not the ones with the real high heels, the other ones. You know which ones I mean."

She couldn't help a tiny huff of laughter at her mom's fashion advice. Maybe she was right and she needed a night out. "OK mom. I'll go out with you but not too late. I have a shift in the morning."

Crossing her finger over her heart she replied to her daughter. "I promise. Now scoot."

Waiting until the door to the bathroom closed, Diane reached for Kim's cell phone and scrolled through her contact list. When she found who she was looking for she pressed to connect and hoped there would be an answer.

Thirty minutes went by before Kim made her appearance back in the living room and Diane looked at her with approval. Although all signs of tears were gone, there was still a sadness in her eyes that she hoped would be wiped away soon.

"Honey, you look beautiful."

"Thanks mom. Now where are you taking me?"

Just as Kim was reaching for her jacket there was a knock at the door. Puzzled she walked over and peered through the security peephole. Her breath hitched in her chest at who she saw standing there. She pulled the door open and sure enough, it was Adam. He stood there looking at her with a mixture of sadness, hope and determination. Her heart was pounding in her chest as she finally remembered to breathe.

"Adam, what are you doing here?" The question seemed to be her mantra for the evening.

"Hi Kim. Can I come in?" His eyes devoured her as if to remember her face, this moment forever, just in case she slammed the door in his face. He wanted to keep this picture of her in his mind.

In answer she swung the door further to allow him access. Their gazes never wavered from each other as Kim leaned against the door with Adam a few feet away. A bit of uncertainty clouded his expression but he could not look away from her and it seemed that she felt the same.

"Kim..." his voice was a pleading whisper... "we have to talk. Please talk to me."

"This isn't a good time, Adam. I've made plans with my mom." As if just noticing another person in the room, Kim began to introduce them. "Mom, this is Adam Ruzek. Adam, this is my mom."

Walking toward him with a smile on her face, Diane reached out her hand to him. "Well, Adam Ruzek, we finally meet. It's a pleasure."

Adam grasped her hand as if holding on to a lifeline. "The pleasure is all mine, Mrs. Burgess. I'm sorry we didn't get a chance to meet as planned."

"Nonsense! The circumstances weren't right before and now they are. It doesn't matter when we met, as long as we did. And none of this Mrs. baloney. Please call me Diane. I'll be offended if you don't."

"Yes, ma'am, Diane – whatever you say."

She laughed as she released his hand and turned to gather up her coat and purse. "That's better. Now I think we can be friends."

Kim looked at her mother incredulously, beginning to put the puzzle pieces in order. "Mom! Where are you going? We have plans. By the way, did you have anything to do with this?" Her hand gestured to Adam.

An innocent expression covering her face her mother replied. "Kim I'm shocked you'd think I was so underhanded. Besides isn't this what you want? As for our plans, I suddenly remembered that I promised to meet Sylvia Ann and you know how she gets if I were to cancel."

Without another word she breezed in between the couple, kissing her daughter's cheek and squeezing Adam's arm. Before either of them could protest she was out the door. Kim and Adam were alone with no idea what to do next.

Taking a deep breath, Adam reached for Kim's hand. "Please talk to me Kim, really talk to me. I miss you so much, it's like a part of me has been cut away. I want to make this right." He was encouraged when she allowed him to tug her toward the sofa. They carefully sat next to each other, not touching, mindful to keep a little distance and then they began to talk.

Kim told him about the push test and how his answer made her feel. Adam protested that he only agreed because he thought that's what she wanted. She apologized tearfully and went on to tell him about Sean and how it never felt right to be with him, how it only felt right when she was with him. They talked about everything and nothing, the time slipping away unnoticed. Finally the emotional evening caught up with Kim and she let out an involuntary yawn.

Adam reached over to brush a curl away from her face. "It's late, I should be going." He brought her hand to his lips, kissing her palm before beginning to stand.

"No." Kim whispered pulling on his hand to keep him next to her. "I want you to stay."

Softly cupping her face in his hands, Adam pressed his lips to hers. He felt as if he had come home. She berated herself for denying this and poured every ounce of love she felt into the kiss.

And so he stayed...


	2. Chapter 2 - Sean

Kim was waking up, a smile curving her lips. Whether that was due to the remnants of a pleasant dream or the warmth of the body next to her, only she knew for sure. A pair of warm hazel eyes met her's as her eyelids slowly opened.

"Hey darlin'." His familiar drawl washed over her, sending waves of warmth and desire throughout her body. She snuggled closer pressing her lips just below his ear, whispering softly. "Morning." For the space of a few heartbeats they merely remained in each other's arms, the void of their separation slowly mending.

After a few minutes Adam felt the breath of a deep sigh feather along his neck. "Everything OK?" Although he was happy they had reconnected, he didn't want to leave anything to chance and if Kim was having second thoughts, he needed to know. Having her in his life was his main goal and not one he would take lightly.

"I'm sorry." Kim didn't think she would ever forgive herself for the way she treated Adam. Deep down she knew she was being irrational but it was as if she was on a runaway train. No matter how hard she tried to put on the brakes, she kept going full speed ahead and damn the consequences. Watching him look into her eyes with concern, she felt even worse.

"I'm so sorry I put you through hell and I know it was bad for you. It felt like I was possessed and couldn't stop to think things through. Can you ever forgive me?"

Adam brushed his thumbs across her cheeks, wiping away the tears that had begun to fall.

"I'm not gonna lie darlin'. You devastated me and I tried to hate you for it but all I kept thinking was how much I loved you and missed you in my life. So, yes I forgive you but there will be some conditions."

"Anything..."

"I want you to promise me that no matter what you're thinking, no matter the circumstances, whether you have my actions dead to rights or not, you have to promise to talk to me." Adam cupped her face in his hands gently, his gaze steady and serious as the words he spoke.

Kim forced down the sob that threatened to erupt. She needed to speak and have Adam take her seriously, needed him to believe she meant what she said and crying was too much like playing a sympathy card. It was time to put on her big girl panties and that made her smile when she realized she wasn't wearing any.

Before her emotions got the best of her, before she broke down laughing and crying at the same time. Before she lost her last nerve, Kim pressed her lips to Adam's. Her kiss was both tender and demanding, filled with a promise for their future. When she began to move away, Adam's embrace gently imprisoned her as he deepened their kiss with a promise of his own.

Even after their kiss ended he kept his arms around her, so thankful that even if not completely healed, they had taken the first few steps in that owed this to Kim's mother. If not for her, this would never have happened.

* * *

 _When he had reached over to pick up his phone, he did not expect to see Kim's name on the screen._

" _Kim?"_

" _No, this isn't Kim.. This is Diane Burgess, her mom."_

 _And Adam had felt his body tense up. "What's wrong? Is Kim OK?"_

 _He heard a throaty chuckle that eased his mind a bit so he could actually draw a breath. "Kim is fine in a manner of speaking. No accident, no wounds, no ills. But she is heartsick. She made a big mistake with you and doesn't know how to fix it. So being her mother, I'm going to interfere and try to help her out. I think it would be a really good idea for you to come by now. Are you willing to do that?"_

 _Adam felt his pulse jump and his throat all but closed up. He didn't know what to say and was afraid to hope for a chance to get bck what he had lost._

" _Adam, she still loves you, She panicked and was afraid to take a chance."_

 _At that he felt a shudder pass through his body, as if he were casting aside his despair. His voice was a ragged whisper as he replied. "I'll be there."_

* * *

Kim stirred in his arms, moving back slightly so that she could look into his eyes.

"Adam, I meant everything I said last night. I love you and no matter what, from now on, I will talk to you. If my insecurities get the best of me, I'll tell you about it. I'll ask the question, no matter how stupid it may be."

She saw his familiar smile tug at the corners of his mouth and felt a huge sigh of relief course through her. "Good." He pressed a quick kiss against her lips before continuing. "What should we do today?"

At that Kim frowned because she knew her next task would not be easy. "I have to tell Sean about us."

"Yeah, guess you do." Adam felt jealousy stir it's ugly head. The mere thought of them together caused that monster to stir within him.

"It never felt right with him, you know. We never were close and never became intimate. Our dates always ended at my front door and even a simple good night kiss felt forced. Deep down I think he realizes we were trying too hard to make something work that should come naturally."

"Do you want me to come with you?"

"No, I have to do this by myself."

"OK, call me if you change your mind. I be taking care of a very important matter."

He had to laugh at Kim's confused glance. "Sending your mom flowers."

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Kim arrived at the coffee shop first and sat in the booth nervously sipping at her latte'. Since the shop was near the district, she had already greeted Atwater and a few of her fellow patrol officers. The booth she chose was near the back and slightly hidden from most of the customers. When she saw Sean headed for the table, her nerves shot into over-drive instantly.

"Hi Kim." He slid easily into the seeat opposite her, waving away the waitress as she approached. "You said you wanted to talk to me. Not the words a guy wants to hear."

"I know Sean and I'm sorry." Kim looked down at the table, trying to gather her courage. Even though she didn't have feelings for him, she didn't want to cause him pain. She took a deep breath and looked up to see his expression turning from curiosity to anger. She reached over, trying to take his hand but he jerked away.

"Get on with it Kim. Say what you have to."

"I don't want to hurt you Sean. I never should have started anything with you because it's just not right between us and nothing more is going to happen. I still love Adam and we're back together...as of last night. I'm sorry."

"Stop saying you're sorry." His fists were clenched and his mouth was a hard line as anger continued to overtake his emotions.

"I'm s...Kim stammered...I don't know what else to say."

"Damn it to hell, Kim. After everything I did to get you to notice me, I get dumped because of Ruzek! You are such an elitist bitch."

"What? I am not, Sean but I can't pretend to have feelings for you when I'm in love with someone else."

Kim grew alarmed as she noticed the vein in his forehead throbbing. She visibly jumped as his fist slammed into the table and he stood leaning toward her, his body shaking with rage.

"You know what you are, Kim? You're nothing but a ball breaker, a fucking c..."

He stopped mid-sentence as a large hand clamped around his shoulder – painfully.

Atwater couldn't help but notice the commotion and decided to put an end to it before it went south.

"Don't." He growled at Roman. "Don't even think about finishing that thought. Get your ass out of here and cool off before you get thrown out."

Sean shrugged off Atwater's hand as he stepped away from the table. His face was red with anger as he threw his parting comments their way.

"You know what? Fuck the both of you – I'm out of here."

Noticing that he was still gripping a napkin, he tossed it toward Kim, smirking as she flinched. He turned on his heel and made his way out of the diner, ignoring the looks that followed him.

.Kim began to shiver involuntarily as Kevin slid into the booth next to her. He put an arm around her hoping to calm her nerves.

"You OK?"

At first she could only nod but soon felt the cold seep out of her body as she began to put the scene behind her. She looked at her former partner gratefully.

"Thanks Kevin. I'm fine or at least I will be. I had no idea Sean would react that way."

"Hey, once a partner, always a partner. I've got your back. Forget about Roman. What we saw...those were not the actions of a rational adult. So forget about him...if you can."

Once again, Kim could only nod as tears burned her eyes. She tried to blink them away, unsuccessfully and swiped them away impatiently.

"Sorry." She murmured softly.

Kevin only hugged her a bit closer. "So you and Ruzek are back. Nice! I never could figure out why you two broke up. You belong together."

Kim looked up at him, a smile brightening her face. "Yeah, I guess we do."


End file.
